You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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