just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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