You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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