Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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