Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
