And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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