Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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