so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
