we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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