i already hear my dad disowning me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
