Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
