I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
