Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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