somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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