Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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