i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sorry about my life...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
