she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
