all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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