The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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