I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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