were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
