Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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