I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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