That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
