So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
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Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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