We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
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I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
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why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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