yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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