I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
