I wish I only lived at night.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.