you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen