why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk