I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube