Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.