Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
