i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I will pee on everything he values.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
