K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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