the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
