Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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