I'm laying in your front yard are you home
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.