I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.