Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.