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• (925): View more from California

  Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...

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• (407): View more from Florida

  That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.

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