I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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