The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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