the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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