I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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