The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
