I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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