I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
