please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
