Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
