it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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