k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
