out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
