It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
