oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
