I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
