I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
