shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
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