we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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