apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize