dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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